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Shh, and hear the silent scream
Of the girl you used to be.

12th Sept. 2012 EDIT: Finally extended it! You can find it here: [link]



I thought of this when I was in the shower. xD
I'm not sure why, really. I was actually thinking of poses, for some reason, and I thought of one with a girl with her finger to her mouth, lips only slightly pursed.
And somehow, my train of thought just jumped ahead, like, ten cars and came to this. xD
Should I expand on it? Or should I leave it the way it is? Advice would be greatly appreciated!
I'm going to put this for now as #79 in 100 Themes, 'Quiet'. If I do extend this, then I will replace it witht he extended version.
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:iconstarkpretty:
Starkpretty Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012
Maybe expand- this is like gold dust.
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I did, and I can see you've read it :D
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:iconstarkpretty:
Starkpretty Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012
:D Yep, commented and then saw the link >.< oops!

It's lovely in both its forms.
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :D
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:iconstarkpretty:
Starkpretty Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012
No problem! :D
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:iconsapphirathemongoose:
SapphiraTheMongoose Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012
I personally think it's way too short, like it's quoting something from a bigger piece. Like something you'd post in your signature, not give its own deviation.
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, I'm planning on extending it. Actally this was supposed to be the first two lines of a poem, but I got stuck and decided to see if I could make it work on its own.
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:iconbrandt2846:
brandt2846 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
ĪGaspĪ I used to be a girl!? That explains everything! D:
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
xD
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:icongrahamcrackersamurai:
Grahamcrackersamurai Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Student General Artist
It strikes a cord as-is, if you feel like you should do more I'd love to read it.
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm starting on an extension today, but plan on keeping this as a separate deviation. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment! :D
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:iconbeautifuladmiration:
BeautifulAdmiration Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Try and expand on it a bit, it's a great beginning tho, but it also works on it's own...
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm working on an extension but plan on leaving this as a separate deviation. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment!
Reply
:iconbeautifuladmiration:
BeautifulAdmiration Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Okay, that works too, this poem works both ways.
No problem. :)
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:iconmysocksrock:
MySocksRock Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012
I love this.
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much!
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:iconclovers-n-sunshine:
Clovers-n-Sunshine Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No no leave it. I saw this and I was like. Her two lines. One sentence. Could mean so much. And that is truly amazing.
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! I'm actually working on an extension, but I'm going to leave this as a separate deviation. So two different versions :)
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:iconkatragoness:
Katragoness Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I like it just the way it is.... it allows for a lot of personal interpretation. I'm quite for the artist making known their original meaning, but sometimes it's nice to be able to ponder what a poem or saying means to you personally. I think the ambiguity here allows for a healthy dose of interpretation. :) I really like it. For the record I used to lack a lot of self control back in grade school and I've come a long way since then so this poem really speaks to me in that sense. What was your original intention for the mood/attitude of the past self? just curious. :) again, great little poem/quip.
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Actually, when I was writing it, I was thinking of a girl who's changed, but in a bad way. And the kind, sweet girl she used to be is still hidden inside, screaming to get out. But I like your interpretation too! You know, I might just take that as inspiration and put a different spin on an extension of this :D I'm working on one now as my original idea, but I think I am going to incorporate your ideas as well and write two different extensions.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read, think and comment! It means so much to me. Comments like these are the ones to help me grow as a poet :D
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:iconkatragoness:
Katragoness Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:) Cool! that's awesome! I'd be thrilled if you incorporated my idea in ur next bit! :D And your welcome!
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :D
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:iconoenvy:
oEnvy Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Student General Artist
I think its perfect being short, but change it to "scream" not "screams"

It sounds and rhymes better
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're exactly right! I am going to fix that right now. Thank you for your feedback!
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:iconoenvy:
oEnvy Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Student General Artist
Awesome :D
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Fixed :D
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:iconwolfoncrack:
WolfOnCrack Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I say leave it the way it is
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for your feedback! :D
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:iconballwon1:
ballwon1 Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012
So true.....
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad you were able to relate. :D
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:iconballwon1:
ballwon1 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012
:)
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:iconstarell:
starell Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012
I love it when such short poems can convey so much!
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much!
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:iconstarell:
starell Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012
you are most welcome!
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:iconbelarosewolf:
BelaRoseWolf Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Student Writer
I think this is perfect as is! This deceptively "simple" poem is awesome! :) Great work.
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for your sweet comment and opinion! :D
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:iconbelarosewolf:
BelaRoseWolf Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Student Writer
You're very welcome! ^^
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:iconcskadoz:
cskadoz Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012   General Artist
. . . . . . and about those poses . . . . . :boogie: :woohoo: :happybounce: :headbang:
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ahahaha, no idea why I was thinking about them. xD
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:iconcskadoz:
cskadoz Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012   General Artist
whoa . . . . . leave as is . . . . :worship:
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :D
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:iconjackofalltrades0097:
jackofalltrades0097 Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Short and Sweet, but I love it X333
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :D
Reply
:iconjackofalltrades0097:
jackofalltrades0097 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Welcome!
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:iconphenomenonn4o:
Phenomenonn4o Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You should do both, an extended and keep the concept, it has so much creative power, just in two lines! ^-^
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:iconcrystelclear1104:
crystelclear1104 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! I do plan on keeping this and an extended version. :D
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:iconphenomenonn4o:
Phenomenonn4o Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome =)
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:icontheemptychest:
TheEmptyChest Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012
Interesting concept. Really packs a punch. I like it. :)
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